10 steps to improving your confidence in an area that you are struggling with

Confidence.

The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

Now add that to an already complicated equation of self-doubt and the fear of failure.

You’re screwed.

Or so you think you are…

If you’re anything like me and have spent years of beating yourself up over the smallest of things then I am now screaming at you to STOP.

Easier said than done right?

I’m still prone to having a boxing match with myself both during the moment of application and in the aftermath. It’s a battle; sometimes I win and sometimes I lose but I take all that I can from the situation and learn to utilise it when I’m faced with other challenges in my life.

Alfred A. Montapert once said “Expect problems and eat them for breakfast” and I believe this is exactly the right attitude you need to take on board when you’re feeling at your lowest wit( little confidence in yourself and your abilities. Growth and comfort definitely do not coexist, in order to grow you have to push yourself in situations which make you feel uncomfortable and urge you to try new things and break the boundaries within yourself both mind and body. It is then your confidence will blossom.

So for those times where you need a little bit of help, here are my top 10 steps help to improve your confidence in an areas that you’re struggling with.

 

1. Accept yourself: First and foremost this should be your priority. You are unique in this world. Analyse your skill set; figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with an action plan for improving both sides of the table. Recognise that with every day on this earth you have the power to change anything that you so desire. Some may take longer than others and some you might not even notice the changes BUT one day you will and other people will do too. Don’t dwell on your weaknesses; try to see them as an area for growth instead of an area of failure.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others: Like I said above, you are UNIQUE so why bother comparing yourself to another person in this world. Your focus should be on you not on anybody else as that is their life path. Use others as a learning platform they are there to help. Recognise what that person is doing to achieve ‘success’ and implement it into your own practice but don’t compare yourself to that person.

3. Don’t beat yourself up: Especially if you make a mistake. Heck, everyone does at some point in their lives. Thomas J. Watson once said that the formula to success is quite simple “Double your rate of failure.” The more times you fall the stronger you will be. Use your mistakes as a pathway to learn. I believe, as a human it is our gift to continue learning in all realms of life. Learning doesn’t just stop after high school or university, it carries on and if you view each day as a breath of new knowledge then you’ll pinpoint exactly what is happening to you right then and there in that moment of failure. When you do make a mistake just ask yourself: is this something I need to beat myself up about or should I move on from this and find a way of making it work for me?

4. Don’t strive for perfection: Seriously this is the worst thing you can possibly do and as a fellow mini perfectionistic virgo that I am, I full well know the consequences of this approach to life. It just isn’t realistic and it gets in the way of your progress. Instead strive for the best you are capable of doing at that moment. Some days its better than others but that is okay. If you strive for perfection you’re giving yourself a standard that if unable to meet you quite allowingly open up the floor for a boxing match with yourself right there and then. So my advice is this: put down the gloves, instead go have a cup of tea, soothe your soul and carry on with your day. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw “Life gives you lots of chances to screw up which means you have just as many chances to get it right.”

5. Give yourself a positivity reminder: Practicing self-love and positivity is crucial to your success. You need to practice this on a daily basis. I carry round with me my newly gifted books – “Believe and Achieve” by Chris Naylor and “I’m Doing My Best” journal by Knock Knock. The first is a collection of the worlds most motivational quotes for those days where you need a pick me up and a kick up the bum to point you in the right direction. The second is a journal in which you aim to write about how you’re working on improving yourself on that particular day. It has a half empty/half full key that tracks your feeling on the topic at hand. I particularly like this one because it enables me to write about how I’m working on myself each day positively. Another daily reminder I have is the quote I have set as my wallpaper  “What if I fall?” Oh, but my darling what if you fly? ” This reminds me to constantly push myself and be open to new beginnings. You need to constantly remind yourself of why you’re doing what you’re doing and why you’re great at it. There are enough people in this world who will bring you down so don’t add one more person into the mix by bringing yourself down too. Instead bring yourself up and change your own mindset. Think I CAN rather than I CAN’T.

6. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you: People’s energy can bring you down just as much as they can bring you up. If you’re constantly around people who don’t necessarily support your goals or dreams then this will be a contributing factor as to why you’re not achieving those goals and dreams in the first place. I guess it’s all about priorities and as selfish as it sounds, you have to put yourself first because no one else will and I think as you grow older you sadly begin to realise this more and more.

7. Exercise: This is a great alternative to beating yourself up. Sweat it out! Take that gym or dance class and use it in a way that positively benefits you. For me if I’ve had a stressful day I need to clear my head by getting some fresh air or exercising. The gym is a great one for me because whilst it can be used as a distraction from my regular life it is also something that I can benefit from greatly in terms of my future career. I basically need to get stronger and bulk up if I want to have more chances of securing a role in the future and so whilst I may be frustrated with one element of my training at times, I get to use that frustration and channel it into something that’s positively affecting my future prospects.

8. Do the things you enjoy and cherish the little things: Inevitably you need little pick me ups throughout the week and a quick way of boosting your mood is by doing things that you enjoy. Don’t be so hard on yourself; treat yourself. If this means finding the time to add in these extra activities into your daily routine then make it work for you. Simply take the time to relax because in an industry like the one I’m entering into, its vital that you make time for yourself otherwise you will crumble into a million pieces. There’s  nothing I love more than lying down in bed, all cosy and warm, with a good book in my hands. We all too often get caught up focusing on the bigger picture when sometimes we just need to take a step back and focus on the smaller side to life.

9. Remember to breathe: As simple as it sounds, just take a moment to breathe. Getting in control of your breath in intense moments helps your body and mind settle with this idea of fear whilst you weigh up your options in regards to what you can do in this situation. So take a deep breath and relax; 9 times out of 10 the situation isn’t as scary as you first thought.

10. Don’t give up: If you give up now you’re taking the easier route or the more comfortable route and as I mentioned earlier comfort and growth do not coexist. Keep pushing yourself and keep reaching for those goals. Only you know what you are capable of so don’t let anybody’s opinion berate you. Take on board their advice but don’t let it limit you. You never know what you just might achieve if you let yourself go and believe in yourself. You will surprise yourself and surprise others and that’s what is exciting about all of this. Life is a journey and we’ve all got a long way to go so be daring and be bold but most importantly make it exciting. Learn from your past and be great. You’ve only got one future so start living it now.

10 things I can’t live without

After reading this article, I had a think to myself  asking – what exactly could I not live without and why?

In life we all have our go to’s for a quick fix or our sentimental items that remind us of different moments in our lives but when it actually comes down to it we all have different essentials in our lives that we use every single day. And these change and are special from person to person.

For the purposes of this post I decided to skip out on daily essentials like a toothbrush and shampoo, even though I love my Aussie hair products, because these are the more obvious of my life routines.

So here’s my list of things I definitely couldn’t live without.

 

1. Tea


Tea is my answer to everything. Feeling down or tired? Have a cup of tea. Feeling thirsty? Have a cup of tea. Need a break? Have a cup of tea.

Honestly it works wonders. Whenever I’m stressed or upset I take a sip of tea and suddenly everything feels better just in that moment. It’s like I finally get to relax and put my life on pause for a moment or two and let its soothing warmth fill my body with some much-needed love and care.

I have a pretty expansive collection of teas ranging from herbal teas to green teas to black teas. I’ve got it all.

There’s numerous health benefits linked to it as well. Tea contains antioxidants and has less caffeine in it than coffee so you don’t have to worry about what it’s doing to your nervous system as much. It’s also linked to weight loss and a better immune system.

 

2. Friends and Family


I owe my life to both my family and my friends. They’re the ones who have helped me pull through or got me out of embarrassing situations during my years. They’re the people who make me laugh, smile, cry and shout. They’re the people who hold my memories and my heart. They make me feel alive. They give me purpose. I’d truly be lost without them all.

 

 3. Books


Ever since I was a little boy I have loved reading. Books allow you to enter a thousand worlds different from your own and yet you can still draw parallels from their universe into your own. They’re exciting and draining all at the same time. They make for great conversation and keep your brain working. You can learn so much by just opening that first page. I remember as a child I was in love with Winnie the Pooh. As I got older I adored Lemony Snicket’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” and “The Spiderwick Chronicles” by Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black. Advancing into my pre-teens I fell in love with the “House of Night” series by P. C. Cast and Kristin Cast. And lets not forget all time favourites “Twilight” and “Harry Potter.” The list goes on. Today in my adult life I find myself drawn to mystery novels and the classics. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reading, it brings me great joy. It’s helped me feel good when I missed home – “My Grandmother sends her Regards and Apologies” by Fredrik Backman was a great read for that. My latest read is “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak. I’m now in 1939, Nazi Germany.

 

4. Dressing Gown


There’s nothing I love more than getting home from a long day of work/uni and slipping into my dressing gown with a hot cup of tea and a good book. It’s when I’m at my most content. It’s great for warmth and to snuggle into. It’s a common occurrence in my night attire. It feels like home, without it I’d feel strange. I’d miss its soft texture nurturing my skin. It’s a comfort more than anything but its one I’m not willing to give up.

 

5. My apple products – IPhone 6 and IPad Pro


My technology, whilst a distraction at times, generally work for me quite well. It keeps me up to date with all of my friends and whats going around me in the world. It’s my means for communicating myself to the wider world. Without it I’d be unable to write this post. It’s given me a community in which I can share my views and my life in a way that I deem appropriate. Social Media is great and its a great way to promote yourself and your business. I mainly write my posts from my IPad Pro – I often type on the go or whenever I’m travelling so it definitely beats carrying a laptop around. As for my iPhone I mainly use it to stay up to date with my family and friends, especially now that I’m miles and miles away from them all. I look forward to my phone calls from them each week. I’m also signed up to a variety of different News and Blog/newsletters. My current favourites are My Domaine, Career Girl Daily, Nomadic Matt and The Skimm. The Skimm is my go to for everything that’s going on in the world and I get an abundance of information sent my way each new day. Go sign up!


6. Inspirational Notes


I love leaving myself little notes around the house as they act as a reminder to practice self-love. I have my own dream board and practice everyday visualisations of inspiration in terms of my future prospects. I have sticky notes all over my walls and mirrors sending me love and guidance. If every I’ve had a bad day and I come home I almost always look to these for help. They cheer me up instantly. Quotes work for me the most. I absolutely love them. They speak so much truth to me and enable me to see the world and my future much more clearly.


7. Whitney Houston


I came out of the womb singing Whitney Houston. No joke. She’s been a part of my life since before I was even born. My mum always used to listen to her when she was pregnant with me and Jason.  I have a lot of my music taste from my mum, shes the best! I adore Nippy’s songs and I was even lucky enough to get to see her in concert. When she died I spent a lot of the day crying to myself in bed re-watching her live performances on YouTube. To be honest I still do this now, 5 years on. She had THE voice and nobody could ever take that away from her. She will always be a part of my life, i am so thankful for her music – it’s helped me so much in the past and it will continue to do so in my future. Whitney I will ALWAYS love you.


8. Briefs


I’m totally a briefs kind of guy. Boxers, in my opinion, just don’t give me the support I need especially when I’m dancing. It’s been a long time since I last wore underwear below the bum cheek and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon. Briefs are sexy and give me the confidence to feel good about myself. A few of my favourite brands include Calvin Klein, Emporio Armani, Tommy Hilfiger, Aussiebum and Diesel.

 

9. Notepad and pen

I carry a notepad and pen around with me everywhere I go. You never know when it might come in handy. It’s there to write my thoughts down or quickly write down a number or address for later on in the week. In order for my brain to process information I have to write it down and figure it out in front of me. It’s how my brain works. Once its out of my system and onto paper I find it much easier to work out. The same can be said for my feelings, my diary is so sacred to me. It’s part of me and my whole self. It’s my life, my history documented on paper for my eyes to see. It’s my clarity and closure.

 

10. My Voice


Last but by no means least is my voice. It’s powerful and gets used everyday.sometimes I take it for granted. BUT without it I wouldn’t be able to speak my truth and tell my story the way I would like to. It’s my gateway to progress and bridge toward my happiness. I use it to communicate my thoughts and sing my joy. Without it I’d be restricted.

Knowing that there are millions of people around the world without a voice makes me feel sick. Knowing that they’re unable to speak out against prejudice and unjustly wars and events saddens me. To this day there are still women out there without a voice who are silenced by fear. It is wrong on so many levels. I think it is our duty as human beings to fight for equality and against unfairness in any form. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Islamophobia needs to STOP.