WARNING: This post is not for the faint hearted.
But seriously what I’m about to tell you is on another level of FREAKY.
This is a topic I’ve openly talked about to both my friends and family. Some looked at me like I was crazy and some didn’t. Thanks to those who didn’t. It all started about 3 years ago. I lost my dad through suicide a year earlier. Before my dad took his own life, we were having our 2nd extension done on the house. It was only after his death that it was completed and one of the rooms being built was my current room. A few months after his passing the house was finished and I could finally move in. During my healing process I liked to stay up late and talk to my dad, call me crazy but it helped me grieve. During the first few months it mainly consisted of questions of WHY? I didn’t understand why he did what he did. To this day I still don’t really know and I don’t think I ever will. But as time has moved on I find myself asking that question less and focusing more on the years we had and the memories I now hold close to my heart. So yeah little old crazy me talked to ghosts. Basically. It wasn’t much of a conversation considering there was no one on the receiving end.
Or so I thought.
About a month into conversing with the spirits I noticed a slight change in presence. It was eerie and weird. Scary at times too. I’m naturally a night owl so my sleep pattern is not the best. I often fall asleep around 3am and wake up at 7:30/8 AM. As the clock ticked away I was trying my best to get to sleep. With my head on my pillow I felt restricted, almost as if someone was pinning me down. I couldn’t move. My breath shortened and my head was suffocating in towards the pillow. Eventually this stopped. Not knowing what the hell had just happened, I turned to Google for some help.
Sleep paralysis is a temporary inability to move or speak that occurs when you’re waking up or falling asleep.
I thought I was mad. Was my imagination fooling me? If this had happened only once I would completely say it was my mind just playing tricks on me but ever since that day I often experience the same sensation at night. Now, I’m a big fan of horror movies. I’m the type of person who can watch a scary movie on my own at 2AM and be totally fine so this was on some next level shit.
My most recent experience was horrific. Over the years I’ve managed to get quite good at deflecting the ‘bad spirits’ as I like to call them. But this time was proving more difficult to do. It was around about 2AM and I’d just finished watching a movie and decided to hit the pillow. Not a success. 4AM – still awake. As I closed my eyes I felt someone’s breath above me. I kept my eyes closed hoping that it would go away. It didn’t. I could see black shadows flying all across my room some had faces. I often see an old woman aka ‘The Witch.’ Don’t get me wrong, she might be a nice lady but she doesn’t half terrify the living day out of me. I guess that’s her job though right?
Do you think I’m crazy yet?
Honestly I’m not. Statistics say that sleep paralysis is very common in young adults. Until you’ve actually experienced it I can’t begin to explain how frightened you feel in that moment. Anyways back to the tale. The shadows kept getting closer and closer towards me so I opened my eyes. The room was silent. Phew. I was alone. Returning to my slumber I was immediately attacked. I felt choked. I couldn’t speak. I was lost for words. Literally. About 15 seconds had past and I slowly manage to say ‘Leave me alone!!!’ This was physically impossible to say and took me a long, long, longgg time. It had a stutter like quality to it. But after saying that the spirit/s vanished. Freedom at last.
If any of you readers out there have watched any horror movies, you’ve most probably watched the Insidious films. Elise often says that once you open the door for one spirit they all start to come on in. The good and the bad. This is a thought I’ve held onto ever since it started happening. This all started when I started reaching out to my Dad and I’m left wondering is there any truth to what Elise said or is my imagination tricking me? Fearing the worst, one day I lit up some incense and some candles and cleansed my room asking the spirits to leave me in peace. I didn’t mean them any harm and I’m sure they didn’t mean me any. Who knows maybe they’re just lost souls hoping to find their light?
Which brings me on to my next experience. With the darkness comes the light. Personally I’m a bigger fan of the light in this instance. I was home for Christmas break and like many nights I was up really late. For some reason or another I couldn’t get to sleep and the clock was nearing 4AM. But my tired eyes needed their rest and in a split second my vision was hazy. After closing my eyes I saw a green light illuminating my pupils. I opened them. The light was still there. I couldn’t believe it. I stared some more and there it stayed. It quickly started to multiply this time with red dots of light. It was all happening above my head. I sat up and tried to grab the light. It disappeared. About five seconds passed and it made it’s comeback. Instead of aggressively grabbing it I proceeded to gently reach out and touch it. There was a field of energy radiating around us and it was getting stronger. After about 30 seconds the energy was overwhelming and then I felt it. It felt like touching another persons hand, almost like a high-five. I latched onto it for a few seconds and held this so-called ‘hand.’ I can’t explain how this happened or why this happened, I can only guess what this magical experience was.
I think a lot of what happened that night was due to me returning back home. I like to think that this particular experience was my Dad. That it was his way of reaching back out to me after all those years of me trying and failing. It was to show me, he is always with me and always will be and that I can depend on him whenever I need to. It was the best welcome I’ve ever received. Even if it was a bit crazy. Having 4 years to deal with my grief I’m finally at a stage in my life where I can say I’m ok with it. I’m over it. Yes I still cry occasionally and yes I miss and love him more than anyone can imagine but I now choose to think of when I will see him next. And that’ll be a long time, I’ve got to get old first. Him reaching out to me kind of consolidated this and my Nan always says ‘They won’t visit you if you’re not ready.’ She’s seen a lot of her passed family members when she’s walking around the house. She always tells me ‘You have more to be afraid of from the living than the dead.’ My younger sister, Tilly, was less than 2 years old at the time of his death however she still remembers a lot about him. She’s always been a clever girl for her age and initially when my mum found my dad she was in the car in direct view of it all. That night when we were all living at my Nan’s trying to make sense of it all, he visited her in her dreams. The next day she woke up and the first thing she said is – ‘It’s ok Daddy is in the sky.’ This is why I think there’s some truth into my experiences. They’re weird as hell but they happened.
I kid you not though. This happened to me again. Only this time it was after I arrived back to London. On my third night here I saw the same dots of light. It was special and I cried a lot that night. But my tears were ones of happiness. I needed the reminder that my dad is with me in everything I do. It was my beacon of hope. I’m a very independent person however I do miss home from time to time and as annoying as I am, I know they miss me. I guess this is his way of looking out for me. I’m truly blessed to have him as my guardian angel. I just hope he fights the baddies if they ever visit me again. I’m yet to experience the trauma here in London. Thank god for that.
But on that refreshing note I will leave you to enjoy the rest of your day, wherever in the world you may be.
PS. I’m not crazy I swear.