Missing home.

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Whilst I’ve mentioned before in my posts, moving to a new city can be extremely daunting and the emotional journey that comes with it is a very rocky road . In my case anyway. Whilst I started off the year in high spirits, that took a gradual decline towards the end of the year. Not anything major; just a bit of depletion on my behalf.

The start of the academic year was filled with excitement and adventures. It was a time of meeting new people and embracing change. But as the year drew to a close especially from around mid November time, I found myself experiencing a whole variety of feelings including the feeling of being homesick. It seemed the more the date I was leaving for the Christmas approached the more I was having these feelings of discontent. I guess I was just overwhelmed with it all and working all hours under the sun didn’t exactly help, despite it pre-occupying my mind, temporarily, I still felt alone. But I think a lot of other contributing factors worsened my mood during this mini break down that lasted about a week. It was little things like not being able to Tap well and not understanding music theory to not knowing where I stand with people and missing my friends from back home that all contributed to it. I missed my friends a lot. I missed our drunken antics and how they make me laugh. I missed their faces and their voices. I say breakdown lightly because I was OK, I was just a hot mess putting on a smile. But luckily I had an amazing support group here that consisted of chats in Costa, cups of tea at Nikki’s place and pitchers in Spoons. I always had someone I could relay my so-called problems onto.

I was browsing online one day in search of new books to read, if you don’t exactly know me I’m a big fan of literature. whilst I don’t always have the time to read, I do try to get as much in as I possibly can – especially when commuting to work. So after an hour or so of searching, I stumbled across a book that immediately stood out for me. “My Grandmother sends her regards and apologies” by Fredrik Backman. I took this book with me everywhere, I just couldn’t stop reading it. I’m very close with my Nan, Freda, I would go round to her house at least once a week and by being so far away I was stripped of this privilege. Not being able to see either of my grandparents really took a toll on me. My family is very close and that’s the way we like it, so not hearing their voices everyday kind of sucked. There was something so special about this book and it filled me with warmth just at the right time and eased the homesick feeling somewhat. I loved it that much I gifted it to my Nan for Christmas. If you’re ever stuck for buying me Christmas presents a good book will suffice.9781444775853
I wrote this on Facebook at the time –

“So I picked up this book the other day because I was missing my own Nan and needed a bit of home comfort. I haven’t been able to put this book down it’s filled me with such warmth and joy and despite not finishing it yet, from what I’ve gathered it tells the tale of a grandmother and her granddaughter who are the best of friends – quick to laugh all night with each other and quick to call each other out when they’re doing something wrong! The adventures they go on together are beautiful. There’s a line in the book that reads “Because all seven-year-olds deserve superheroes. And anyone who doesn’t agree needs their head examined.” I’m 19 years old and I will never not need you in my life! You are my superhero!!! My Nan’s truly an amazing woman and I’ve said it time and time again, she’s been through everything a person can go through and still smiles everyday, I think it’s a Nan thing! I just wanted to say I love you and appreciate you for everything you are and do! I’m so grateful and blessed and I really, really can’t wait to see you!!!”

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One thing I definitely missed was the home cooking. Coming in from a long day of drama school, sometimes as late as 9:30pm after being up from 7:30am, and then having to prepare meals and cook for yourself has now made me appreciate my Mum so much. How she puts up with it I will never know. It sounds quite lazy of me but it’s so time-consuming especially when you’ve been rushed off your feet all day. You just want someone there to do it for you. I’ve tried a few times to cook from scratch and as time has gone on I’ve gotten a lot better! Check this out – After gym dinner. Smoked paprika seasoned chicken and vegetable wraps with a side order of seasoned rice all done from scratch 🌯🥗🍚 (Stolen Stef’s recipe lol)

This is some of my later work. In the beginning I was constantly burning my food. Now I’m not saying I’m the next Jamie Oliver but I have definitely improved. My meals generally consist of soup, pasta, noodles and some more pasta. So this was a luxury for me. If anyone wants to cook for me, I’d be more than happy to accept. During the start of my term, Christy and Danni helped me out a lot! I thoroughly miss their meals they made me. I’m not quite on their level just yet. I’m forever in their debt.

During this time I watched the second years performance of ‘Honk!’ For those of you that don’t know, in short Honk! tells the tale of The Ugly Duckling, but it’s so much more than that and I watched the two shows one after each other and, yes I cried during both. As I mentioned earlier I was an emotional wreck and there was a bit in the story line where the ‘Ugly Duckling’ was alone and the mother was crying because she couldn’t find him. For some reason this hit home and stirred up emotions in me that just had to come out. It’s safe to say I took my arse home that night, had a nice cup of tea, laughed at myself and then cried some more. Beauty and the Beast sorted me right out though.

I sound so pathetic but I guess I was just overwhelmed which sounds stupid and silly but hey that’s the reality that is my life. I wouldn’t change it either. It’s OK to cry, but probably not as much as me. The next week I was completely fine. It’s a fun life I lead I can assure you. It’s truly laughable. Go ahead. I implore you to do so.

Hope this post makes you realise you are never too old to miss home. Home is a comfort and will always be waiting for you upon your return. Whilst I’ve now thoroughly gotten over myself and kicked myself up the butt I’m now ready to restart my life again here, homesick free. This time it will be a success.. one would hope.

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